After my paternal grandmother Edith, who I call "E," passed at 93 years old, I struggled to get through my eulogy. One of the main thoughts that kept interrupting my ability to hold it together was, "I'll never get to call her out of the blue again and ask her how to make matzo ball soup or tell her about my latest byline or hear about her most recent mahjong get-together." Little did I know, I'd connect with her constantly — just in an ethereal way.

In the years since her passing, we've communicated through a handful of medium readings, the most recent of which was with Fleur Leussink, a world-famous psychic medium, writer, intuition teacher, and author of Moving Beyond: Access Your Intuition, Psychic Ability and Spirit Connection. According to Leussink, connecting to loved ones in the spirit world is a wonderful way to know that we're not alone. She explained that we all have the ability to move beyond the physical world and access our inner intuition, psychic ability, and spirit connection to give ourselves the gift of communication with the people we miss whenever we want.

Ahead, check out seven of Leussink's best tips for becoming your own psychic medium.

Honor Your Inner Voice

Leussink's book is divided into three parts: intuition, psychic ability, and spirit connection (i.e. mediumship), and that order was a very conscious decision on her part because connecting with yourself is the first step to connecting with people you love in the spirit world.

"Even if the destination or goal is wanting to connect to your loved ones, it's still going through your own spirit, so all information — whether it's about you, someone else, or connection to spirit — it all has to go through your own spirit," she explained. "This is your source. We can't actually be good mediums or have connection to the spirit world if the connection itself isn't in place first." 

For that reason, Leussink said the foundation of any intuitive work is to create space for listening to the internal or your inner voice.

The ability to tune into and trust yourself has benefits beyond chatting with your departed loved ones. In fact, after more than a decade of readings — many of which have been for successful celebrities, politicians, and businesspeople — Leussink found that in the area these people were "winning," they always followed their internal voice. 

"If someone was making really great moves in their career, I could tell they were listening to their own gut on it — same in love and romance," she noted. 

In other words, they had an unflinching connection to self.

Acknowledge Intuition Suppressors

There are so many reasons people suppress their intuition and so many ways in which they do, said Leussink. A few of the most common:

• Fear: Whether that's rooted in family or societal beliefs.
• If your own internal feedback was never validated: Perhaps you feel like you never got to listen to yourself over others.
• Busyness: "We're also so busy, on our phones all the time, numbing out," said Leussink. "If we fill every waking moment of our day with stuff, there's not a single moment to be like, 'Ooh. Is a thought I'm having maybe not my own? Or is there a feeling I'm having that maybe originates from somewhere else?'"
• Absence of embodiment: People often believe that in order to have intuitive or spirit communication moments, they have to be out of their body or meditate into some astral plane far, far away, said Leussink. However, she believes it's actually quite the opposite. "If you can't be in your body and you can't feel your feelings and don't know from where those feelings are originating, then you're also not going to feel the subtle connections to spirit," Leussink suggested.

Create Space to Connect

We usually think all metaphysical practices, including mediumship, require sitting on a meditation pillow, using sage, or lighting a candle, but doing so could actually hinder your ability to connect. 

"Your rational mind is going to be like, 'Are they there? Are they there?'" said Leussink.

Instead, she recommended considering where in your life you go into a truly receptive state. 

"We know through scientific studies that when our brain waves are in theta waves, which are slow and open," explained Leussink. "We know that when we have these big insights and intuitive, seemingly mystical thoughts, we're in the theta state. When we do repetitive activities in our life — driving, doing dishes, folding laundry, in the shower, running, or playing an instrument — we go there too."

When you're in the midst of one of these activities, you can consciously call in a connection to your loved one, said Leussink before adding, "You can say, 'No expectations, but I'd love you to join me.' Then, do that repetitive activity, and your brain will naturally slow down."

Although you won't want to set your expectations too high — and you might end up needing to do this a couple of times — this exercise creates space for you to receive, creates the calmness that you need to receive, and sets the intention that you'd like to receive, according to Leussink. "You'll have set the stage, and they will join, and you'll have an experience," she added.

Suspend Disbelief

If you feel like you've been connecting with a loved one but are struggling to trust that it's real, consider zeroing in on a mantra that Leussink herself used when she was facing the same challenge early on in her career: "Suspend disbelief."

Leussink actually committed to doing this for six months, telling herself, "I'm going to stop questioning every time something happens, and I'm going to stop rationalizing it away, so that I can allow some momentum to build." 

According to Leussink, it turned out to be the "most liberating experience." That's why she advised anyone looking to connect with loved ones to do their best to hit pause on interruptions from the rational mind.

"In the moment, just experience it if you can," she suggested. "If you can't find that little bit of faith required to bridge the gap, you can't have the experience, so it's a little bit of a catch-22."

Look at Patterns

In order to differentiate what's real from what's imagined, Leussink recommended reflecting — in retrospect — on your patterns.

"When you feel like you're experiencing something or receiving something, ask yourself, 'What state of mind am I usually in? How does it show up?'" she advised. "All spirit communication is going to follow a pattern for you. As the connection to spirit connects to your own soul, this information rises into your rational mind and your physical experience through the same pathway every time."

That pathway will be uniquely your own. For example, some people might get goosebumps, noted Leussink. Others might feel like something's in the room or have a voice in their head. All of these things will be slightly different than if it's happening because you created it or you just happened to be emotionally triggered.

By reflecting on your experiences, you can tell the difference between what a spirit connection might feel like versus how your anxiety or wishful thinking shows up. 

"When anxiety shows up in your body, it tends to show up in the same way every time," she pointed out. 

The way you experience it isn't necessarily going to be in the same way as someone else.

Set Expectations

One of the main misconceptions Leussink said trips people up in the beginning is the idea that you need to see your loved one in order to have connected with them. 

"Very few mediums talk to people who've passed in such a way that they're standing in the room, and you see them and hear them," emphasized Leussink. "It doesn't happen that way. I get flashes of images, little bits here and there. Sometimes, it feels very much like playing Charades. You're putting together a story."

You might experience a subtle shift of emotion or physical sensation, get a flash of a daydream-like image, or you'll hear a thought out of nowhere, Leussink added.

Keep Going

Once you've started honing your mediumship ability, taking it to the next level just requires continued exploration. Ultimately, you'll be able to get to a place where you use your intuition in everyday life, trust it, and feel confident.

Nurturing this ability can have unexpected, long-term downstream effects as well. 

"When people have the experience of being connected to something larger than themselves, life changes," said Leussink. "You're not as afraid of passing or of life. There's also a moment when you realize, 'Oh, I have much more creative control over life than I thought I did.'"

Like anything, if you stick with it and give yourself room to grow, it just gets easier. 

"It's a language," she added. "You have to put time into learning a new language, and that's ultimately what this is: a new language."

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